I’d like to re-edit this for publishing in a pamphlet. (My voice isn’t very strong in the beginning, and it could really be cut down.)<\/p>\n
The Hebrew word for gratitude, ho\u2019da\u2019ah,<\/i> has other definitions as well: it can connote the confession of a sin, a concession to another person\u2019s position in an argument, or the admission of a debt. Chazal<\/i> tell us that the essence of a word can always be gleaned by its first reference in the Torah. When we look to the source, we will find the deeper significance of the word ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i>. The secret is this: Lacking, missing, imperfection is so key to what we are doing here. On a deeper level it can also be said that we are on a mission from God. Hashem has an ultimate perfection, a static perfect that is totally infinite beyond infinitude and that was, is, and always will be. \u201cI am Hashem; I do not change.\u201d He cannot change or grow, as it were. But of course the Eyn sof<\/i>, the infinite One, can do whatever It wants, in any manner\u2026 Hashem adjures us to be His messenger, to have chisaronos<\/i> and fix them, so that we become more and more perfect. The ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i> \u2013 that\u2019s how we complete the circuit. We have to take what we receive, acknowledge our prior lack, and say thank you. And then we are doing for Him.
\nIt is easy to compare a person\u2019s monetary debt to the moral debt generated when one wrongs another \u2013both instances involve one person owing the other. The idea of thanks, however, seems quite different from the other definitions of ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i>. When we admit to a wrong or a debt, the focus seems to be on us and the fact that we owe them, but when we thank someone we acknowledge the other party and what they did for us \u2013 we put the focus on them.[1]<\/a>
\nThis apparent contradiction in meaning really stands out in light of the Midrash\u2019s use of the two meanings of the word ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i>. Bereishis<\/i> Rabbah<\/i> tells us that:
\nBecause [our matriarch Leah] was modah in thanks, she had a son who was modeh, as the pasuk says \u201cVa\u2019yaker Yehudah, And Yehudah recognized\/admitted.\u201d[2]<\/b><\/a> And in turn she merited having David HaMelech as her offspring, who also thanked Hashem: \u201cHodu La\u2019Shem ki tov, ki l\u2019olam chasdo, Thank Hashem for He is good, His kindness is forever.\u201d<\/i>
\nSurely the principle of middah k\u2019neged middah<\/i>, which tells us that good deeds are rewarded in turn, is not fulfilled with a mere play on words! And being the great-grandmother of the redeemer of Israel is quite a prize for saying \u201cThanks.\u201d What is this telling us?
\nThere are no coincidences in the holy tongue. What is the common denominator between these seemingly disparate concepts? How can they be contained within the same word?<\/p>\nTorah Gratitude<\/h2>\n
\nThe gemora<\/i> in Brachos<\/i> 7b, recounts the first time that anyone thanked Hashem:
\nRabbi Shimon Ben Yochai said, \u201cFrom the day that Hashem created His world there was no man that thanked Hashem until Leah came and thanked him. As the verse states \u2018This time I will thank Hashem.\u2019 (Bereishis 29)\u201d[3]<\/b><\/a><\/i>
\nThe Iyun Ya\u2019akov<\/i> explains that when Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai said \u201cno man that thanked Hashem,\u201d he was actually contrasting Leah with Adam HaRishon, the first man. Adam could have thanked Hashem for his wife and acknowledged the good \u2013 \u201cit is not good for man to live alone\u201d \u2013 instead he was a kafui tov<\/i>, an ingrate (lit. one who denies good) who denied his benefactor.
\nBereish Rabbah, commenting on the pasuk<\/i> \u201cThe woman which you gave\u2026\u201d further describes the incident:
\nHashem knocked on four men\u2019s pitchers, and found the pitchers filled with urine. They were: Adam, Kayin, Bilaam, Chezkiyahu. Adam said \u201cThe woman which you gave me,\u201d Kayin said \u201c\u2026.\u201d Bilaam said \u201c\u2026.\u201d And Chezkiyahu \u201c\u2026.\u201d.<\/i>
\nAll of these men were found at fault for not owning up to their behavior. The Pirush Maharzu<\/i> on the Midrash emphasizes this in regards to Adam:
\nAdam acted foolishly, as he should have said \u201cI sinned.\u201d He instead excused himself as if he was not at fault, and he further denied her [Chava\u2019s] goodness by saying there is only bad in her, not good.<\/i>
\nWhen we analyze the Midrash we come to an amazing conclusion: Adam\u2019s main sin was not in eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge \u2013 his real sin was not admitting what he had done, and not admitting the good Hashem did for Adam in giving him his wife Chava. If Adam would have past his test, he could have entered Olam HaBa<\/i> without the need for a six thousand year world cycle. Something in the admission of a wrong and giving gratitude for benefit received is vital to man\u2019s very mission \u2013 both of these are equally necessary and obviously connected.
\nAgain, how so? And what is so crucial about admitting guilt and giving thanks? In light of the Midrash and the Maharzu<\/i>, they fulfill the very purpose of the world!<\/p>\nWhat are We Missing?<\/h2>\n
\nThe true nature of ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i> and the connection between admission and gratitude is the recognition of personal chisaron<\/i>, deficiency and imperfection. It is taking ownership of what one is missing. Both thanks and admission of guilt flow from this concept.
\nBut why is this so central to our personal growth, and the rectification of the whole universe?
\nTo answer that we need to ask another question: What was Hashem\u2019s goal in creating the world? One of the main ways we were given to understand this in simple terms is: Hashem created the world in order to give us pleasure, to grant us good. He wanted to do good, and to express Himself by being good and giving good.
\nBut in order to really experience pleasure in receiving a gift you must need it and want it. What if you gave me the gift of a six foot statue of Elvis, for example? I have no need for it. It doesn\u2019t do anything for me. The truth is, I don\u2019t want it in my house at all! To a lesser extreme, what if someone served me a fillet mignon steak after I had just finished a full Shabbos<\/i> meal? I know I would not enjoy it as much as if I was hungry, and I\u2019m hoping I would turn it down.
\nHashem therefore needed to create a lack so we can enjoy what we receive from Him. He created a desire to receive. And He wants to give Himself and create relationship to fill this lack.
\nThis creates a problem, however, because now you are the receiver. God is the giver and you are the receiver, and you are diametrically opposed. In the spiritual realm this causes distance, it\u2019s like you are \u201cfrom another planet.\u201d You are the exact opposite \u2013 as East from West, far from near, white from black. And what are you lacking? You\u2019re lacking Him. It seems like total distance.
\nTo rectify this distance Hashem created a system. He gave us Himself in the Torah, and through performing Hashem\u2019s mitzvahs<\/i> for His sake, performing kind deeds and studying Torah, our desire to fill our lack becomes spiritual, not self-centered and self-directed. Then we want to do the mitzvahs to receive His reward, but we want to do that for His sake, because it\u2019s what He wants for us.
\nIt\u2019s a beautiful, amazing trick\u2026 it\u2019s for your sake, but you take for Him because He wants to give \u2013 and it becomes Godly.<\/p>\nA Choice of Needs<\/h2>\n
\nIf a person is forced to receive a gift, it is no gift. A forced relationship is not relationship – it\u2019s a form of slavery. When we choose, we make the relationship; we make ourselves. Free choice is necessary so that we won\u2019t be like the passion ruled animal or the robotic angel.
\nAn animal gets its physical needs to make it happy, to get what it\u2019s missing, whereas a malach<\/i> receives its spiritual needs \u2013 and they have to fulfill their drives. As human beings we are comprised of both the physical and the spiritual \u2013 the soul and the body \u2013 and as such we have the ability to choose which desires we want, which needs we want to fulfill, physical or spiritual. This is where our free choice lies.[5]<\/a>
\nOur lack is so important; it\u2019s so pivotal. How will we relate to it, what will we do with it? Everyone is born with an ego, and the inherent desire to shield ourselves from blame and knowledge of our own imperfections. \u201cI didn\u2019t do it,\u201d we say. \u201cIt\u2019s not my fault; it was him; it was you; it was society; it was my circumstances; it was nature — my brain; it was nurture — my parents, etc…\u201d What are we really doing when we shift the blame?
\nUltimately Hashem is the true master, but what are we putting in between Him and me? We know that all the excuses we may have were created and orchestrated by Hashem. So essentially, I am putting my imperfections underneath Him, but between Him and me, above me. When I do this I am a slave to my nature and nurture, I am serving Pharaoh, my nefesh ha\u2019behamis<\/i>, my animal soul.
\nBut when I acknowledge that my chisaron<\/i> is a part of me, I take ownership of it. Now the chisaron<\/i> is an aspect of myself that I can choose to get rid of. It needed to be a part of me because if I was perfect I would be Hashem, without lack, or defect. I can\u2019t receive\u2026 there\u2019s no gain.
\nI have to have the chisaron<\/i> and own it, transform it. To be human is to be imperfect.<\/p>\nGodly Imperfection<\/h2>\n
\nSo with creation there is always relative imperfection \u2013 even though where I am now is perfect just as it is. The later concept must be true because Hashem made me, and we know all His works are perfect \u2013 \u201cHa\u2019tzur tamim pa\u2019alo<\/i>.\u201d
\nBut be careful, if we go along that road too long without coming back, if we try to see created reality from God\u2019s perspective \u201cI am Hashem, I have not changed,\u201d we can follow the road of Achar, formerly Elisha Ben Avuya, and his predecessor, Eisav. The Midrash says Eisav was called such from the same root as the word \u201casui<\/i>, finished.\u201d He said he was finished, completed \u2013 \u201cThis is how I am, God made me this way!\u201d We believe that\u2019s true, if you want to stay an animal. But a person, an Adam, is a constantly perfecting being \u201cadame l\u2019lohim<\/i> \u2013 I make myself like God.\u201d Infinitely more and more like Hashem with higher and higher perfection\u2026 A real man\u2019s only constant is that he is always changing.
\nThere is no rest for the tzaddikim<\/i>\u2026 but that is part of their reward, constantly growing and becoming more perfect.<\/p>\nThe Tricky Ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i> Connection<\/h2>\n
\nThe gemora<\/i> in Kedushin<\/i> lays down the halachic<\/i> precedent for this concept: \u201cAdam chashuv shani<\/i>, an important man is different.\u201d Normally a man has to perform the ritual marriage act of kedushin<\/i> by giving money or a gift of value to the woman, but when the man is very high ranking and respectable, if the woman gives it to him after the man proclaims his intention to wed, the kedushin<\/i> takes effect. This is because the woman receives pleasure \u2013 tangible benefit worth money \u2013 by the very fact that the adam chashuv<\/i> was willing to receive her gift, something he would not do for just anyone.
\nHere\u2019s the trick: The same principle applies in our relationship to Hashem. When we receive Hashem\u2019s gifts with appreciation and show Him that we are interested in a relationship, He receives pleasure in being a giver \u2013 His desire[MK7]<\/a>\u00a0.[6]<\/a> Amazing! Paradoxically, when we show our appreciation for receiving, when we acknowledge that we were imperfect, and we need Him to complete us, then we become Godly!
\nIt would seem contradictory, a complete paradox, but it works. Only Hashem could do this!
\nAcknowledging and recognizing one\u2019s own chisronos <\/i>\u2013 defects and imperfections \u2013 and the ability to thank Hashem whole heartedly are one and the same. They are the essence of ho\u2019da\u2019ah.<\/i> Adam missed this, and he tried to project his defects on the woman that Hashem gave him. [7]<\/a>\u00a0 In so doing \u00a0Adam was telling Hashem \u201cI am perfect the way I am, I can do no wrong because You have made it so.\u201d
\nAdam was supposed to see that his job was to take responsibility for the imperfections which Hashem created for Adam, to take them as his charge. He was to turn the chisaron<\/i> into tikkun<\/i>, rectified perfection, and give the ultimate ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i> that comes with that.
\nBut it was not to be. Leah was the first to internalize the message of ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i>, to feel what it was that she was missing, and use it as an expression of appreciation and thanks. She who was originally intended to be Eisav\u2019s bride turned to Hashem to give her all her needs, and now with her fourth child she received even more than her portion.
\nAnd she thanked Hashem, and named her son Yehudah in honor of this thanks, this ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i>. And she implanted the trait of ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i> in Yehudah so that he could take it even deeper. He was able to acknowledge his deed, recognizing the cloak and ring, and take ownership of a sin which according to the Midrash he was forced to do.
\nThis central trait of ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i> becomes the middah<\/i> of Dovid Ha\u2019Malech, our king , leader and example of personal teshuvah<\/i> and ho\u2019da\u2019ah<\/i>. When the navi confronted him with his sin he passed the test, and uttered the words \u201cChatasi<\/i>, I have sinned.\u201d
\nThrough the trait of Machiach Ben David we will all learn to \u201cHodu La\u2019Shem ki tov, ki l\u2019olam chasdo, Thank Hashem for He is good, His kindness is forever!\u201d<\/i> \u00a0Even when it does not seem like it is good, His kindness is still forever. Hashem\u2019s Oneness and Goodness has been there all along, and will always be.
\nLet us be a part of that process, thanking Hashem for what we are missing. And when what we are missing is our own personal perfection, let\u2019s have the strength to acknowledge that lack, and thank Him for giving us the opportunity to be a partner with Him in rectifying ourselves and creation so that we can have a happy ending, just like He wants. And when we thank Him for that happy ending, we\u2019ll be making ourselves even more Godly.
\nThanks for reading.
\n <\/p>\n
\nBig Ideas<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n