I Wish I Was Someone Else…

so I could be sameach b’chelki (happy with my lot/portion).

That’s what I quipped to my friend at the yeshivah while discussing jealousy, and its root in a lack of bitachon/faith. If you know God is totally on your side, than you realize everything you have is just right for you, just right for your mission and to help you get your ultimate, perfect reward. Thinking about the other guy’s stuff is like looking in his medicine cabinet and wishing you had his prescriptions, or being jealous of his glasses – you either don’t need it, or it’s not the right fit.
“I wish I was someone else so I could be sameach bchelki.” It’s absurd for a couple of reasons. First off, if I was someone else, I wouldn’t be me now would I? I wouldn’t be able to enjoy being someone else. If I stayed me while I was someone else, well, wherever you go, there you are. Who says I wouldn’t still be looking over the fence at someone else’s lawn?
My friend and I had a good laugh over the line, and I marveled at my cleverness. Ha ha! That was a good one! I passed a Rabbi in the hall and said over the line… Funny, funny.
I went to the bathroom and sobbed. I washed my hands, washed my face, and sobbed some more into the bacteria infested yeshiva hand towel.
Coming out of galus/exile is not so easy – it can be a gradual process. Like awakening suddenly from a horrible nightmare, you can be so scared you don’t want to get out of bed… it takes time to bring yourself back to living. “Shir HaMaa’los.. a song of ascensions… – hayinu k’cholmim… We were like dreamers. Oz yimaleh schok pinuh u’lshoneinu rinah. Then our mouths will be filled with laughter, and our tongues with joy.”

Introduction – The Purpose of this Book, Part One

Ok, submitted for your critique, the beginning of what I originally called “The Book,” but what I am tentatively calling “Oh God, What’s the Point?” until I get a better title. It’s a general hashkafah book about the purpose of the world. When we understand basically what we’re doing here, it makes it easier for us to trust Hashem.

A Quick Word On “Faith”

Like a great many, Hebrew[1] words, the terms emunah and bitachon defy translation. Trying to fit these concepts into the tight bonds of the word faith is comparable to calling the Grand Canyon a “pretty ditch.”
In his book about emunah and bitachon Nachmanadies[2]   says that emunah is analogous to a tree, and bitachon is the fruit of that tree. You can have a tree that never produced fruit, but if you have fruit, there must have been a tree involved. Emunah, he says, is belief in God and his power to act,[3] but bitachon is the trust that He will.
It can be said that emunah involves a clear recognition of all of the principles of the Jewish faith, and bitachon is not only the active behavior which reflects these truths, but trust in God. Bitachon is trust that God is not only interested in our behavior, but He loves us and has our highest good in mind. Trust is the basis for relationships with our fellow man, and a relationship with God is no different.
The work of building bitachon is a life time job. The Vilna Gaon[4] says that bitachon is necessary for all positive character traits, and without bitachon a person’s Torah will not last. This trust is the basis for a healthy, loving relationship between us and God, as well as with ourselves.  The Gaon adds that bitachon is also necessary for experiencing true love for one another. How can I be jealous of my friend when we both have the very best we can have for us?
The positive benefits of trusting God have been discussed by the Sages throughout the generations. A person is relieved of his daily worries.[5]Bitachon even has the inherent ability to bring a person the object of his desires.[6] Obviously emunah and bitachon deserve a work of their own, and many have been written. Discussing emunah and bitachon – their definition, benefits and practice – is not the point of this booklet.
Next excerpt: What is the Purpose of this Book?… Stay tuned! (Don’t worry, I’ll put it up tomorrow.)

[1] When I refer to the Hebrew language here and in this text, I refer to Lashon HaKodesh, the Holy Tongue, the language used in Tanach and the Oral Law – not Modern Hebrew.
[2] Sefer HaEmunah VeHabitachon, chpt. 1
[3] Throughout this booklet I will refer to the creator as “God.” The purpose is twofold. First, many of my readers may be uncomfortable with the standard Orthodox appellation: “Hashem, the Name.” Second, for those who are already Torah observant, but are questioning their beliefs, the term God will give them an opportunity to think of Hashem in a different light. If you don’t “believe in God,” and consider yourself atheist, it couldn’t hurt you to read this anyway. Pretend I’m talking about “The Universe” until you can accept a loving God. Many would prefer to call Him “the Loving Creator,” or a Her, or whatever. I can’t make everyone happy now, can I? Whatever your situation, God believes in you.
[4] See Even Shlomo 3:2. Also see the Gaon on Megilas Esther 1:6.
[5] See Chovos HaLevavos, Sha’ar HaBitachon
[6] See Appendix , for some amazing sources.